Archive for the ‘Musings and Observations’ category

Happy Endings Wolverine Adoption Services

June 16, 2009


Tired of all those yipping Yorkies on the corner with bows in their hair?  Watch the crowds disperse as you turn the corner with your new pet Wolverine.   In appearance, the wolverine resembles a small bear with a long tail. It has been known to give off a very strong, extremely unpleasant odor, giving rise to the nicknames “skunk bear” and “nasty cat.” Wolverines, like other mustelids, possess a special upper molar in the back of the mouth that is rotated 90 degrees, or sideways, towards the inside of the mouth. This special characteristic allows wolverines to tear off meat from prey or carrion that has been frozen solid and also to crush bones, which enables the wolverine to extract marrow.  Armed with powerful  jaws, sharp claws, and a thick hide,  wolverines have been known to kill prey as large as moose.  Wolverines have been known to harass and attempt to intimidate wolves, cougars and bears.  Because they are relatively slow and clumsy, the wolverine’s preferred method of attack is ambush, making it a sound idea to always be aware of your wolverine’s whereabouts.

Wolverine adoption entails some preparation.  An undetermined period of time is required to establish mutual trust.  Of course, the time period is contingent on the individual temperaments of both owner  and  pet.  To assist in the training period, every wolverine adopted comes with both a Kevlar Suit / Taser.